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Preheat grill or grill pan to high. Grill corn until kernels are charred and slightly softened, 10 minutes. Once cooled, cut kernels off the cob and set aside. In a large skillet over medium-high heat, melt butter. Whisk in flour, 1 tablespoon at a time, and let cook until bubbly. Whisk in milk, cream cheese and Monterey Jack. Add jalapeño, if using. Cook for another 3 minutes. Stir in corn kernels and toss to coat, then season with salt and pepper to taste. Garnish with cilantro and serve.